Dorm Dilemma

January 6, 2012 10:38pm

Welcome.

I decided to create this blog to talk about Asperger's Syndrome. I have a 17 year old son who was diagnosed 10 years ago. If you're a parent desperate for information or a friendly ear, feel free to email me. If you're a person with Asperger's, I might have questions for you. Yes, my email address is a little odd, but I promise I'm perfectly normal - just a fan of urban fantasy. I also run an Urban Fantasy blog and I created the email to go along with it.

I'm not setting out to make this an educational site, though it may end up educating those of you who decide to follow it. Mostly, I'm going to talk about whatever strikes me as important on a day-by-day basis. I may share funny stories or I may vent about difficult moments. I might talk about things I've done that have made a difference in helping my son. I don't know. I just know I need an outlet these days and this is going to be my self-imposed daily therapy.

Today, my son was obsessing about independence. I hate using that word - 'obsessing'. But it's really the only word that fits. You see, he's in college but living at home. (That's a long story I'll save for another day for those of you who don't already know it.) But tonight he got it into his head that he needs to be more independent and live on campus in September. Now, for most people that would be the end of the conversation, but I just spent 3 hours trying to tell him I agreed with him, but didn't feel like discussing something that isn't going to happen for 9 months and can't even be approached for another 5 months. Nothing I said stopped him.

He understood that there was nothing could be done now, but that didn't stop him from discussing it non-stop for hours. Three hours. Three very long hours.

I agree he needs to learn to live on his own. I think that's important. But...He has never stayed a day away from home. He has not learned to drive. He can't get himself up in the morning. He relies on me to organize him - from getting him up to choosing his clothes to making his meals to putting out his meds to reminding him to shower & brush his teeth. He relies on me to be his 'shuttle bus' everywhere. Do I think he can learn to do these things for himself? Yes, if he's motivated. I'm not sure he really is.

Do I think he can manage living with a stranger? No. And there in lies the problem. He has no clue what its like to share a bathroom or cleaning duties. He has no experience dealing with a roommate. He doesn't have any clue how to compromise (I was begging him to just let me watch tv tonight practically in tears - because I'm exhausted mentally & physically - to no avail.) What will he do if his roommate tells him to shut up? What will he do if his roommate eats his food? Uses his shampoo? What will he do if he has to fake sleeping while his roommate gets it on with a girl six feet away? (Hey, been there, done that - it happens.) He has so much to learn.

But I'll strap on my big girl boots and try to teach him everything he'll need to know. And I'll fail miserably. Guaranteed. *sigh*